Sunday, July 15, 2012

A Love Letter to my Body

Dear Lovely,

My apologies for never fully seeing you, your beauty and your perfection, until it's too late.

When I look back at photographs, I see this most amazing creation, full of life and personality, with a glowing beauty that masks any worldly imperfections. Why didn't I notice you? I'm sorry for never completely seeing you until it's too late. Until that time has passed and I've beaten you down so completely that even having everything isn't enough. How come our timing can't be right? Why can't I see you for what you really are? You are, and always have been, enough.

I hate that I always think the grass is greener anywhere but here. It isn't fair to you and the work you've put in. And I don't mean the physical exhaustion of walking, running, pilates, yoga, aerobics, weightlifting, rock climbing, and everything else that could even slightly change you on the outside. I mean the work that betters you. The work that builds and nourishes you on the inside. The prayers and walks and longings to be you. Truly you. Nothing less and nothing more. To be free. We've worked so hard to be free. We've purged ourselves of negativity and surrounded ourselves with people who love and adore us, and yet we are the ones tearing each other down.

I promise you, we'll be free. Someday. Today maybe. We'll be free. We'll love the curve of our hips that has been there since junior high. We'll embrace the soft bump on our belly that arose because of life's most beautiful and precious gift. We will look at out reflection, frontwards and backwards, and appreciate that we are made in the image of perfection. We emulate Him, the Almighty, the Everlasting,  the Most Beautiful. And no matter what you try to say back to me, He loves us! He has always loved us. He created us to be exactly who we are, and what we look like, in this moment.

And that is lovely. We are lovely. We are full of love and grace and beauty.

We are worth it.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

My Little One

My nest has changed, quite dramatically!

In the beautiful March afternoon sun, my little one was born. Much to my surprise it was a boy!! We named him Noah Samuel. He was 8 lb. 0 oz. and 20 1/4 inches long. Sam and I didn't find out what we  were having, and my gut feeling was it would be a girl. Basically because I really truly wanted a boy, but I didn't want to get my hopes up (don't you love my reasoning there). I've always thought it would be lovely to have a big brother for the other little ones.

We had a homebirth with an amazing midwife. It was incredibly spiritual and real. By the grace of God everything went well, but I'll save that story for another day.

Noah is 3 1/2 months now and my world has been turned upside down. I have decided to be a full time momma, which means I quit my job as a 4th grade teacher. It has been pretty bittersweet. I had a great job! Let me take that back. I had the job. It was in one the best districts with wonderful kids, great parental support, and outstanding co-workers. If I was to follow the norm, I would have stayed. But I followed my heart (meaning I prayed and prayed and prayed) and my heart told me to stay with my baby. Even though I know I could have continued to work, maybe even part time, I don't want to miss the chance to be a mom. Maybe I'll go back one day. Probably. But for now I am learning motherhood. What a beautiful, interesting journey!